Matthew 101

While I'm out in San Diego, I miss my family. Joe's been trying to keep me posted on cute stories. Today's email is So. Very. Matthew.

I just thought I'd share some of things the Matthew taught me the last 36 hours.

Matthew, on chess--

1) Since we've somehow lost the LEFT SIDE of white's pieces, he plays black. Black has all of it's pieces. Black obviously has it's act together. Therefore black goes first.

2) Should the black king ever feel in danger, he can teleport and swap places with a black rook. This does not depend on where the black rook currently stands on the board. Yes.... the black rooks suddenly became target #1

3) Don't get the black queen angry. She has a sniper rifle. Took out a few white pawns without moving just by saying... "Oh yeah, they're dead."

4) But the best part... the black pawns are the most powerful pieces on the board. They can "in passing" capture anyone, almost anywhere, provided the piece is vaugely behind them. The best move: "in passing" the white king. It's a good thing black only has eight of them.

Also ... Matthew, on what to do if someone calls you names: "You know dad, don't say to someone 'sticks and stone may break my bones, but names do not hurt me.' They'll just start throwing stones."


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