2.08.2012

New Product Review: Dole Shakers

I coupon. I love browsing matchups between weekly specials and coupons and saving tons of money. I also love trying new products and figure if the financial investment is minimal then it's worth the risk of a new product. And, although I don't really do product reviews in my blog, this disaster could not go unremarked.

This time the couponing/bargain-shopping gamble most certainly did NOT pay off.

I present to you: Dole Fruit Smoothie Shakers.

Lose the blender ... simply add juice, shake vigorously and enjoy. Right? Simple, tasty and remotely healthy. Right?

Wrong.*

I followed the directions (add juice until one reaches the "fill zone," shake for 30-45 seconds, open and enjoy) and when I re-opened the lid I was greeted by a fresh, pleasing aroma and a satisfying pile of foamy goodness at the top of the canister.

I took a sip ... yummy. A few more swallows ... hhhmmmmmm, unpleasant bit of pulp** here and there, but nothing too bad.

I put the canister down to take a breath. Joe and Emily were watching me expectantly. I commented on the pulp. Joe gave a knowing look, "Wait 'til you get to the bottom." Again, I figured I shouldn't waste the money I'd spent and that I could just power through. I mean, how bad could it be?

It could be very, very bad. That's what. After a few more seconds of sipping, the pulpy sludge began to accumulate along my upper lip. I opened my mouth wider to accommodate swallowing the goop in one big*** gulp. The resulting sensation in my throat triggered a violent gag reflex.

My eyes watering, I dumped the rest of the nasty concoction down the kitchen drain.

Eeew. SOOO wrong despite tasting quite good.

I wrote to Dole's customer service department. The berries reconstitute really very poorly and most certainly do not form anything that should be described with the adjective "smooth," as in smoothie.

Bleah. Avoid at all costs.

--End--

* To be fair, I was duly warned. "Try one of the smoothie thingies," Joe said, "Watch out, though, they're nasty." I figured he must have done it wrong. I was wrong. He did it right. Dole did it wrong.

** Again, to be fair, I'm not a fan of pulp. We buy pulp-free OJ, too. The flakes of fruity matter always make me think I'm swallowing little caterpillar legs. (good luck shaking that image the next time you drink some freshly-squeezed juice!) I could never handle a Survivor-esque eat gross creepy, crawly things contest.

***I initially typoed "bug" here. Freudian?

4 comments:

Adrienne Martini said...

The footnote about Joe made me LOL.

Alleghator said...

Their customer service people were very apologetic and sent me a generous stack of high-value coupons for other Dole products.

Anonymous said...

You could have waited a few minutes and let the frozen parts melt a bit...LOL...just sayin'

Alleghator said...

Good thought! Unfortunately, the lumpy bits weren't still frozen. Frozen and slushy would have been refreshing. These bits were like orange juice dregs -- pulpy, partially hydrated, fibrous.