Pictures

I posted a bunch of pictures on Facebook from the production of Moon Over Buffalo ....

and from our recent trip to New York City. Enjoy!

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Day 180

Today is the students' 180th day of school. The bell just rang to end the last official student day of school for the 2008-09 school year. And it couldn't have come soon enough. It's been a long time coming.

The stress has been accumulating steadily. Hence the dreams I had on Tuesday night and last night.

Tuesday:

My parents had just bought a flock of chickens. They pointed them out to my brother, Chris, and myself from atop a high hillside. We were looking down at the chickens in the yard, below (please note that my parents' property does not contain nor is bordered by such a steep and high hillside). Chris and I gasped as the flock wandered out into the road, oblivious to the oncoming pickup truck. Which hit several of them. This happened again and again with a few more cars. Finally, Chris and I realized we'd have to herd the flock to safety, so we started making our way along the crest of the ridge, to come up from behind them and shoo them back the safety of the yard. And we knew we weren't going to move fast enough, they just kept getting hit by cars and trucks. And then I woke up.

I was in my house with my kids one night watching TV or something when strange men dressed like movers or construction workers or somesuch burst into the house. They were here to take the children. The kids seemed bewildered but not overly frightened or concerned about staying with me. I was terrified and trying to fight off these men. They didn't fight me back, per se, but remained set on their goal of removing my kids from their home. And then I woke up.

Last night:

Joe and I had stopped for a break one night on a long road-trip at my Grandma Schierer's house (it should be duly noted here that my Grandma's house is not convenient to any major thoroughfares and is therefore completely inappropriate for a stop-by or drop-in situation). No one was home, but we wanted to go to the bathroom, rest a bit and then continue our trip. I was sitting on the floor in my Grandma's room in the dark, retying my shoes when someone came into the room. I couldn't tell who it was, only that it was a man and tall. "Joe, is that you?" I called out. No reply. "Joe?" No reply. The man came closer. "Joe?! Quit fooling around!" The man came closer. I could tell that it was not Joe. And then I woke up.

There was one other nightmare on Tuesday night and an additional one last night that I no longer recall. These were all of the panting for breath, cold sweat, abject terror upon waking variety.

I'm exhausted. Vacation and respite cannot come soon enough.

--End--

Chaos Kills Me

I can't handle chaos, limbo, uncertainty. They're my kryptonite. (well, so are Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk and Adelphia's tiramisu, but in an entirely different way)

When there's uncertainty and chaos and upheaval it impacts every part of my life. I don't sleep well. I have bizarre dreams. I eat too many carbs. I sleep all the time. It makes the "11" shaped wrinkles between my eyebrows more prominent and cavernous.

I yearn for solace and tranquility and resolution. Sometimes to my own detriment. I just want things to be settled and I don't care how or when or what ... I just want it over and done and then work out the aftermath. Cut to the chase. Cheat, if necessary.

But sometimes chaos is out of my control. There's not a real way to get through it to the other side. Sometimes we have to live in chaos and uncertainty for awhile.

I need some coping strategies and patience. Not my strong suits. I need some answers and some stability.

Or maybe just another pint of Ben & Jerry's.

--End--

Musings....

Thanks to my friend, Adrienne, I know about this Chess In Concert broadcast. I'm a huge fan. Saw the American version on some Broadway-type tour and loathed big sections of it, while still drooling and carrying on about how it was ... yippee! ... Chess! Hopefully this will be the European version. Even if it's not, I'm still recording it and planning to sing along every minute.

Also, have you ever really stopped to take stock of just how much Stuff we have? It's everywhere. Books, magazines, fabrics remnants, clothes, tchotckes, photos, albums, holiday decorations for all seasons, boxes in case one ever has to move again, dishes, glasses, cutlery, kitchenware, piano music, office supplies, knick-knacks, food, cleaning supplies, appliances, memorabilia, electronics, electronics accessories, furniture, blankets and other linens, toys, toys, toys, stuffed animals, toys, DVDs, CDs, miniDV tapes. It's a lot of stuff. Occasionally I go through one of those purge-it-all-and-live-on-a-mountainside moods. More occasionally than you'd think, considering what a packrat and keeper I tend to be. I'm afraid to purge anything for fear that the very next week or month will be just the moment I realize how completely valuable and important said items were.

Finally, did our parents or their parents spend us much time as we do wondering about parenting? About screwing up? About the years of therapy the kids may someday require? About nature v. nurture, breast v. bottle, work-outside-the-home v. stay-at-home, public v. private v. home schooling, helicopter parenting v. laissez faire, football v. soccer v. tap and jazz, Disney World v. the vacation less traveled? Or did they just do it? Did they just not think so much and just go for it? I think we, my generation, think about it a lot. We think about a lot of things a lot. At least the folks I know and converse with and read. We want so badly not to screw up our kids ... and does that become one of those things like how the simple act of observing something affects it (Heisenberg? Schroedinger?) ... are we so worried about experts and blogs and thinking this whole thing to death that our kids are missing out on us just being us and parenting naturally and just instinctively?

Solitude and simplicity on a mountainside look better and better every day. If only there weren't any such thing as guilt and responsibility. Ay, there's the rub!

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Consumer Reports

My folks got Consumer Reports magazine when I was a kid. For some geek-dork reason, I used to read it every month. It didn't matter if they were rating orange juice, blenders or credit card deals ... I read the whole thing.

I'm still a firm believer in checking with CR before making any real purchase of any of the sorts of things they rate ... cars, cameras, appliances, weedwhackers ... anything. I don't get the magazine, but their online subscription is a pretty good deal.

If you're reading this, and you're not in the CR family, consider checking it out. They have lost of services and articles available to non-subscribers .. buying guides, how to choose a good microwave, that sort of thing. Their actual ratings are only available once you pay, though.

Wrapping Up

Well, things are winding down for the year at Casa del Dugan.

Summer II starts at Cumberland this Monday. So Joe will be teaching on Tuesdays and Thursdays again through the day.

The kids' last day of school is Tuesday, the 16th. On Wednesday they have their final piano recital/party of the year. Afterward, I drive them up to Mom Dugan's house for the rest of the week. My last day of school is the 19th. Woo!

The 19th is a bigger day for Joe, though. He has his Qualifying Exam at Drexel. He's been studying for months and this is the big day. His brother John is going to take him out afterwards to celebrate and help him forget and unwind. Joe's staying over up there in PA that night. But, I won't be bored. Off Broad Street Players is singing in Millville that night, and I'm going to be part of the ensemble. Any opportunity to perform is OK by me!

Saturday morning, I'll drive up, collect Joe and the kids. Then we drive up to central PA to hand the kiddos off to my Mom and Dad for the whole next week. Joe and I are taking a weekend trip to NYC to see Avenue Q and will be home on Monday evening.

Sometime that week I'll be off to Lowe's or Home Depot to buy paint for my summer project -- painting nearly the entire interior of the house. I think the upstairs bathroom and the kids' rooms and our red wall downstairs are the only parts of the house remaining as they are. Fun!

On the 25th, I'll be in DC all day lobbying in support of health care reform (but against taxing employer-provided health care benefits) with the NJEA. Joe may or may not be coming with me. But it will surely be an exciting political day. Power to the people!

That takes us to the 27th, we'll meet up to get the kids home. *whew!*

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Best Places

I always find lists like these utterly fascinating.

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Hymn for a Tuesday

Blest be the Tie That Binds
by Dr. John Fawcett

Blest be the tie that binds
Our hearts in Christian love;
The fellowship of kindred minds
Is like to that above.

Before our Father’s throne
We pour our ardent prayers;
Our fears, our hopes, our aims are one
Our comforts and our cares.

We share each other’s woes,
Our mutual burdens bear;
And often for each other flows
The sympathizing tear.

When we asunder part,
It gives us inward pain;
But we shall still be joined in heart,
And hope to meet again.

This glorious hope revives
Our courage by the way;
While each in expectation lives,
And longs to see the day.

From sorrow, toil and pain,
And sin, we shall be free,
And perfect love and friendship reign
Through all eternity.

--End--

Happy Birthday, Matthew!

To my big little boy ... I'll love you forever. Happy 8th birthday!

--End--

Summer Plans

Been thinking about our upcoming summer. I'm kind of excited about the great stuff we have planned.

June 15 is the kids' last day of school. On the 16th they have a piano recital. Afterward, we drive them up to Joe's mom's for a few days. My last day of school is the 19th. That morning, the 19th, Joe has his qualifiers ... a big, life-altering exam that determines whether or not he gets to continue at Drexel for his Ph.D. After the exam, We're joining the kids at Mom Dugan's. Then we'll be heading up on the 20th to hand the kids off to my folks for a week of Gramma Camp. Joe and I are supposed to have some sort of plans that weekend, but nothing's really firm, yet. Whitewater rafting in the Poconos? A Broadway show? I'm not sure.

The kids will be away about a week. When they get back, they'll both go right into theatre camp. It's a four day a week day camp involving singing, dancing, stagecraft ... all sorts of performing. That lasts the whole month of July and culminates in a big performance. Joe will be teaching at Cumberland three or four days a week for the whole month, too. As for me? I'll be away June 30-July 7 in San Diego (which I've never really visited ... very excited) at the NEA-RA. The national representative body of the teacher's union I belong to. It's a very exciting, "be a part of something bigger than you are" sort of deal.

Once I return, I'm planning to paint the entire interior of the house. That's my project while the kids are at camp. It really needs it, and I'm looking forward to it a lot. That, and a lot of walking, and hopefully some writing. I want to do something with my writing/journalism/good-with-the-words part of my brain. I'm going to be revamping and reworking my technology curriculum for school, as well.

The beginning of August is wide open (though my high school reunion is the last weekend of July into the start of august ... I don't know if I'm attending it, yet, or not). I may help out with the summer production of Thoroughly Modern Millie, but I haven't decided yet. A break from theatre may be a good thing for a variety of reasons.

Then, our big trip. We're going canoeing/backpacking in the backwoods of Algonquin Provincial Park. We'll be gone ten days with my mom and dad. I'm really looking forward to the trip and making memories with the family. Spending some time away from technology and life here at home and stuff. (how will I survive? hee-hee)

After that, we'll whoosh right back into school and all that involves. I think Joe is planning to keep going to Drexel a few days a week while returning full-time to Cumberland. His sabbatical will be over, but he'll still need a good solid year at Drexel working with his advisor before starting to write his dissertation.

We'll surely also have visits to the Cape May Zoo, the Ocean City Boardwalk, picnics, hanging out at the beach and with family and friends.

Anyway ... that's the plan for now. We'll see ...

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Kids Evacuated, All's Well

The kids' school was evacuated yesterday. Everything's fine. In fact Matthew said it was the "best day ever!" Here are the details.

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And the Beat Goes On

School's almost done, we have a family wedding this weekend, my play has ended, but I still have a garage full of props and nonsense. Summer plans are coming together and I'm very tired.

Matthew turns eight next week, and I realized it yesterday. I'm a terrible mother. *sigh*

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Sad Morning

Yesterday, Ryan Meyers, a second grader at my school, lost his lifelong battle with cancer. It's been a tough day. I want to hug Matthew all day, not spend my day distracted and mournful in the classroom.

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SO Beautiful

The universe is such a beautiful place.

Scientists agree. I haven't listened to all the sound clips yet (I'm at work), but these pictures are worth more than their requisite thousand words all on their own.

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Do and Die

This poem has struck me, today.

The Charge of the Light Brigade

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

---

Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. "Forward, the Light Brigade! "Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. "Forward, the Light Brigade!" Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the soldier knew Someone had blunder'd: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air, Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army, while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel'd from the sabre stroke Shatter'd and sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro' the jaws of Death Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honor the charge they made, Honor the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred.

--End--

Odd To-Do List

I've been stage managing a local production of Ken Ludwig's Moon Over Buffalo (and yeah, the legalese section in the script stipulates that I use the author's name before the title in all promotion of the show). It's been twelve different kinds of awesome.

But, we're approaching the end. "Crunch week" is what the folks 'round these parts call it. Coming from the back-stage side of theatre, I've always called it "Tech Week." And, since I'm in charge once we move in (We cannot rehearse in our performance space, and will be moving in on May 9th. The show opens May 15th.), I can call it whatever I want.

It's a small production, and it's community theatre. I wear many hats -- stage manager, props mistress, co- set designer, set dresser, lobby display and marquee designer, costume and hair researcher, part-time assistant director, and cookie baker.

So, I have an interesting to-do list coming into the next week:

• Hand-write five letters in envelopes from George to his daughter, Rosalind
• Finish assembling four copies of Variety using the full-sized front and back covers I've already created in Publisher
• Gather some faux fruit
• Find my puffy shirt
• Pick up an ottoman from one of the actors
• Create a Performance Schedule for the stage-right wall of the set
• Find an appropriate notepad and two pens for the side table onstage
• Attach a china marker to a string for the onstage bulletin board
• Rummage in the attic to find the coat rack I know I have, to use on-set
• Send marquee photos to SnapFish for printing
• Buy several gallons of paint based on the paint chips I picked up last week
• Begin pencilling in cues in my performance Book
• Ask again if anyone knows where the headsets are

Set painting should start on Tuesday and end on Thursday if all goes well. And move-in is next Saturday. Then the Tech Week fun begins!!! Wheee!

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Sign of the Times

This morning, the kids discussed the upcoming Ice Cream Truck season....

Matthew: I have a dollar, that will be enough for two things.
Emily: I don't know if that will be enough.
Matthew: Well, last year a dollar could get two things.
Emily: Yeah, but prices may have gone up. You know ... *dramatic pause* ... economy problems.

Sheesh!

And, yes, they really talk like that.

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Patience...

I'm not very good at waiting for stuff.

My ever-enduring husband is used to this. He has received so many Christmas presents in October, it's not even funny. "But it's just perfect and you're going to love it, and it's really unique and special and perfect and amazing, and I can't wait until Christmas morning to see the look on your face!" He sighs, and then holds out a hand for the gift.

I develop elaborate countdowns (paper chains with a link for each day left until our Disney World trip), mental strategies for helping my inner dialogue delude me into thinking events are coming sooner than they really are ("Tomorrow, I can say to myself, 'Tomorrow!'"), even changing terminology to make time move faster ("Only two days and a wake-up. It's not actually three days.")

Whether it's a trip somewhere ("Less than two weeks....which is far less time than 13 days!"), a holiday ("this month is my birthday...that's soon!"), or seeing someone I miss ... I anticipate activities with the longing and enthusiasm of a four-year old.

That said, I adore surprises. I am the planner/organizer/cruise director of my family. So, I know about our itineraries, exactly what's inside each wrapped gift under the tree, everything. So when someone actually plans, orchestrates and carries off a surprise without me lifting a finger or becoming aware ... it's sheer bliss!

I'm not feeling particularly patient today. Waiting for some events, trips, birthday, theatrical rehearsals...*sigh*

All in good time, all in good time.....

--End--

Santa -- Yes! Easter Bunny -- No.

Through a highly-scientific survey process (read as: I asked a couple of teachers and students during recess yesterday), I have determined the following:

The Easter Bunny is downright creepy.

Not the concept of the Easter bunny. Not the idea of jellybeans, Peeps, Cadbury Creme Eggs, colored eggs. No, it's the actual bunny.

Folks dressed up in bunny suits for children's events, in particular.

I get a lot of e-mail. A lot. I'm not that popular a person, but I sign up for mailing lists, free offers, coupons, that sort of thing. Recently, every restaurant, tourist information board, Chamber of Commerce I've ever had any contact with has been contacting me with various bunny-related activities. Breakfast with the Easter Bunny, Welcome the Easter Bunny to the Mall, Brunch with the Easter Bunny, Steam Train Ride with the Easter Bunny, Car Wash with the Easter Bunny, Lap-Dance with the Easter Bunny ... (OK, maybe I made up one or two of those)

And, we all know what these events will entail ... a giant bunny-suited individual who may or may not talk through a bewhiskered, screened-in mouth frozen in a rictus of Easter-loving joy. An eight-foot, bowtied, tailcoated horror in fluffy white faux fur.

They're downright creepy.

I understand the need to "make fantasy come alive" for children. I understand the props and costumes and so forth to make Santa and Rudolph and all "real" for our kids. I take the kids to see Santa. I encourage the letter writing. I make sure we leave out cookies and milk and that they're at least partially consumed by morning. But ... the Easter Bunny?

I don't get it. And more than that ... it's creepy. I can't find a better word for it. OK, well, maybe I can. Disturbing. It's disturbing.

Some big sweaty men with fursuit fetishes are taking advantage of our children, and I don't care for it, not one little bit. And somehow, the "face" suit bunnies are even weirder. You know the type ... some perfectly genial intern or college student (usually female) dresses up in a pastel jacket, waistcoat (with obligatory pocket watch), plaid pants. Then there are obscenely large furry feet and mitts sticking out of the ends of the garments. Odd, wired-shaped ears stick up from a crooked headband or hood-like contraption. Then there's the biggest ick-factor ... the nose/whiskers/buck teeth prosthesis. There's nothing about this that says, "Trust me, I'm loveable and mean you no harm."

Beware the Bunny, friends.

--End--

ps. I'm not the only one to think so. I just Googled easter bunny creepy and found a lot of back-up. Like this gallery, or this Flickr image.

So, I've Been Unwell....

Right off the bat ... Thanks to all for their love and care and support!

Last week I developed a nasty infection in a delicate area (enough said). I wound up in the emergency room on Wednesday night, feverish and weak, having minor surgery. They sent me home with prescriptions for percocet (which alarmed me ... did they anticipate that much pain in my future???) and an antibiotic (no big surprise).

Since then, I've been dealing with swelling, tenderness, pain (yes, I took some of the percocet), and a couple of unsutured incisions that have yet to actually knit and clot. (ick) My fever is gone, which is good, and I think things are improving. But, it's been all kinds of not-fun.

I went to see my doctor (actually my certified nurse midwife, for those keeping score at home) on Thursday and I was all, "Hey ... it's no biggie, but they said I should see you..." And she was all, "Um. NO. It is very much a biggie. You have an infection in your body. You have wounds that need to heal. I want you off your feet for the foreseeable future. You can go to your workshop on Monday only if you stay off your feet. And come back and see me Monday afternoon."

sigh

Bored. So bored. Been watching a lot of movies (on a Kevin Kline jag at the moment...don't ask). Been rather uncomfortable, sitting on pillows, lying down, shifting positions all the time and what-not.

Talked to my CNM again this morning with some concerns and she said she may want me out of work another couple of days, depending on how things go when I see her tomorrow. ARG! I absolutely loathe developing sub plans.

Plans I had for the weekend got all messed up. We've been able to postpone for another time in a few weeks, but I'm just trying to heal as quickly as I can and get back to my real life.

This is all more frustrating than I can even describe.

--End--