Clean and Simple

So every week Joe and I are going to spend several hours simplifying and cleaning up our lives. We're going to pitch, donate and store most of our clutter. The plan is to mentally begin to prepare our house for sale/moving (within the next 12-18 months). We don't want to show the house in this state, nor do we want to move it all.

We start on Friday afternoon. I don't know why I'm really thinking about it right now, actually.

Today went better at work. I think I'll be in a nice easy routine in just a couple more days.

--End--

Day One

Today was the first day of my new job. It went pretty well, I think. I am the reading teacher for 8 first graders and 12 second graders at a small elementary school in rural New Jersey (not an oxymoron). I meet with the lower of the two second-grade groups, then the first-grade (high level) group, then the higher-level second-grade group.

Pros
It's a foot in the door at a new school district.
The kids seem pretty well-behaved.
I have some autonomy with my reading groups.
The hours are good.

Cons
One of the teachers I have to work with seems a bit tetchy.
The reading program is scripted, so there's really not a lot of me in my teaching.
Half-day work isn't going to further our life goals much, if at all.

All in all, I think it's going to be good. One thing is certain, I need to pick up the pace with my first two groups. Familiarity will breed comfort and efficiency. So, it should be flowing smoothly along in a week or so. Then the principal will give me some more to do in my remaining time.

In other news, one of my best friends nearly set Bacon School (where I used to teach) on fire. The sun was refracting just so through a glass fishbowl on her desk. She melted half a tape dispenser before she discovered the problem. It was one of those "Do you smell something funny?" "Yeah, like maybe something burning." sorts of things. The plastic was smoking and smoldering pretty badly when she found it. Good thing it had been blocking the nearby box of tissues from the solar death ray. Of course, if it'd happened on a Friday afternoon or when she was otherwise in a hurry to get out of the building ... my guess is they'd all be having a few days off while they dealt with the water and smoke damage.

--End--

Not Enough Nerve

OK, if I were younger, nervier and into defacing stop signs ... I would totally get these.

Actually, I like a lot of stuff they sell.

Check out the tv recaps on Television Without Pity, while you're at it.

--End--

Scrapbooking Made Simple

I just love scrapbooking. Really! (I know I'm dorky)

But, every now and then even the most-loved hobbies kind of become tedious and uninteresting. I'm kind of scrapbooked-out at the moment (well, I have been on quite a tear lately ... ever since I attended the Creating Keepsakes Convention in Valley Forge in late July I've gone crazy with it). So, it was with great delight I received the second shipment of an album kit series I'm getting from QVC.

I finished the first one awhile ago, "All About Me." It was actually kind of hard doing a scrapbook all about me, myself. Not for the least reason that I have very few pictures of myself, let alone scrapbook-worthy ones. And, it was difficult at first to talk about myself and express my own hopes and dreams, etc.

This second edition has gone much faster. I've been really looking forward to this one. It's "All About You." The you in this case being Joe, of course. I've had a good time singing his praises, recalling old memories and digging through pictures of him. (and I don't have that many good pictures of him, either, oddly ... I guess my photography is generally focused on the kids ... mental note to remedy that in the future)

I'm very happy right now. I really love working on a project and seeing steady progress on it. And I know he's going to be surprised and pleased with the finished product (although he's usually quite blase' about my creations).

--Heidi

ps. In other news, I gathered a bunch of stuff for my new job starting Monday. I'm trying to start small so I can get a feel for the kids and my (extremely limited) space at the school. I'm really hoping this goes well. I'm ready to go back to work and really contribute more (financially) to the family.

So rude!

I have hardly been the most conscientious blogger, have I? Well, I need more reflection, introspection and just plain working out words to put down. So, I really am going to make a conscious effort to post something on a far more regular basis than previously.

Even if it's just train of consciousness nonsense and crappy memes and questionnaires. Just to get the ball rolling, the juices flowing, and other metaphors.

So, here goes ... apparently facial recognition software has determined I look like these people (though I'm hardly taking this seriously, the first photo I uploaded came through with a much higher percentage match to none other than Daniel Radcliffe. Yes, evidently I could be Harry Potter's big sister. Yeesh!) Granted, I have very few (if any) really decent pictures of myself. That what you get from being behind the camera the vast majority of the time. Plus, I'm overweight and never happy with the way I look in photos. And, I have this gigantic toothy grin which I guess looks pleasant enough in person, but when still-frozen-in-time-forever looks garish.

Every now and then ... It's just a Good Day

Elements of Good came together today to make this a Good Day.

I woke up slowly this morning ... one of those undeniably luxurious summer mornings where you just take it slow and simple. As I'm stretching I realize I can't really move my left arm. Brief flash of anxiety ... are my car accident injuries acting up again? Nope, it's warm, snuggly Matthew smooshed up next to me. As I move around, he rolls over and gives me a kiss, "Good morning, Mommy," and pulls my arms back around him.

Much later we meet my Aunt Deb at the Erie Library for a juggling show. Kevin the Juggling Guy. Funny, somewhat offbeat in that frequently-entertaining-children sort of way. Decent juggling. Good patter. Turns out I can spin a plate on a stick.

Quick car ride via Subway to the Dock (I don't care how long they push it as Dobbins Landing). We meet Captain Norm of the Erie Aquabus service. He was one of those nautical types with leathery skin and white hair. Not overly chatty or anything. Kind of thought he had barely noticed us. At one point he did a quick swoop around in a circle and got out his boat hook. After several attempts, reverses and additional swerves, he manages to hook a plastic beach shovel out of the waves. He tosses it back to the kids, "Now you'll have something to play with at the beach." Not long after, he dropped us over on Presque Isle.

We picnicked in the sun (the breeze was a bit chill), and had a nice time ... Mom, Aunt Deb, the kids and me. It was a good, simple meal. We tidied up and walked over to the beach.

I'd brought the kids' swimsuits, but had already decided, after the shivering on the ferry ride, that we'd be wading at best. So, I rolled up their shorts and let them run in the wet sand and surf. It was a glorious day. Breezy, bright blue sky, teal green water. Few people. The kids just raced back and forth. Every now and then one of them would stop and analyze the wave action. Emily would wiggle her toes in the wet sand and watch little mini puddles form. Matthew would smack at the water with a stick and then throw his head back and laugh out loud. I snapped picture after picture. I liked the light. I liked the mood. I loved seeing my kids so gleeful.

Of course, when we made to leave and Emily realized she would really not be swimming, she threw a bit of a hissy fit. They were soggy to their waists and covered in wet sand. A good 40 minutes at the playground dried them off well enough for the ferry ride back. I remember lying back on a picnic table bench, a rolled beach towel under my neck, gazing up at the blue sky through a canopy of quaking poplars.

It was a Good Day.

Piano Party #1

Emily had her first "Piano Party" tonight. Her piano teacher does these sort of family get-togethers where the kids each play one or two songs for everyone (less nervousness and vomiting than the big ol' formal end-of-the-year recitals). Em goofed a few times (OK, quite a few times), but she was darn cute playing alongside Mr. Raudenbush in their duet.

--End--

Not Sure What to Title This One

Had a rough day at school today, but I'm not sure how to really categorize it. I mean ... no one got seriously hurt. Nothing was broken. And, at least a modicum of learning occured. But, I had a raging headache at the end of the day, and I felt crummy for not getting the relationship between pennies and nickels through to these kids.

They just don't get it.

And they insist on counting out tally marks one-by-one.

I'm sure it didn't help that we did arts and crafts for the first hour and a half of the day. And my aide wasn't there to help keep things in line. And, Tyrell decided to be a crazy lunatic for awhile.

I mean, what sort of kid comes into class flapping his arms like wings?
"Go back out and try coming into the class the right way, Tyrell."

Reenters skipping.
"Go back out and try it again, Tyrell."

Reenters walking backward.
"Go back out and try it again, Tyrell."

Reenters stomping, smile gone from his face.
(I decide to let it slide a bit, since he seems to be actually heading for his desk and starting his day with some semblance of normalcy.)

Then at Morning Meeting, he's all elbows and knees and sly comments.
"Go back to your seat and think about how you should behave at Morning Meeting."
"I can't."
"What? Why not?"
"Because I tied my shoes together."

You've got to be kidding me. I point. He goes. Big show of "tripping" and "stumbling."

I move his name to red on the behavior chart.
"Yay! I'm on red! Finally! Look, everyone...red! Whooo!"

I point out the door to the Bench Outside the Principal's Office. My room is blissfully quite and cooperative for a full hour. :)

But after lunch they were crazy. And loud.

I'm sure Crazy Hat Day had something to do with it. It's awfully hard to take anyone seriously when she has a cake on her head. (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6568758415&category=35842)

Or maybe they were really able to focus on lessons and ignore the hat. Maybe.

A pirate in my classroom

My substitute teacher is a bit off-beat. I haven't seen him this year, but last year he wore his hair in a mohawk and occasionally dressed like a pirate. Apparently, he does some sort of piratical reenactment or somesuch now and then. He even taught the kids a pirate song, which they sang for me today. Cracked me up ... picture fifteen 6-year olds belting out "What do you do with a scurvy pirate? What do you do with a scruvy pirate? What do you do with a scurvy pirate earl-eye in the morning!"

Off to Brownies now with Emily. And then, you know what? I may just spend the next hour at home on the couch reading a book. See if I don't.

--End--

It turns out, I'm funny ...

Just spent the weekend at a Digital Crafts (mostly scrapbooking) convention in Valley Forge. Hung out all weekend with my sis-in-law, Kristin, as well as, for a large part, a new friend Alix ("al-leeks").

Had a fabulous time. And, though I know fatigue and ennui had more than a little to do with it ... I had 'em really laughing a few times. We were busy playing the parts of the disenfranchised not-caring-but-really-caring-so-much-it-hurts unpopular girls. It's complete bizzare how the same clique-y stuff goes on with adult women as it does with girls in school. And, Kristin, Alix and I ... definitely not in the "in" crowd. *sigh*

But, what's funny is that we formed our own little clique. I mean, don't get me wrong ... anyone who wanted to could join us on our hunk of carpeting at the back of the room. But, we had a good time kind of disdaining the cute "in" girls (sorry, sometimes women shouldn't be called women ... sometimes it's "girls"), kind of scorning the mismanaged, disorganized chaos of the convention.

Though, I had a great time and really enjoyed having some adult conversation for a nice long block of time. And, I always enjoy getting together with Kristin.

In fact, it's because of the convention that I'm blogging in the first place. I'm going to try to do more journaling of all sorts ... my teaching reflections journal, and this personal blog. Going to store memories, moments, thoughts, quotes from my kids. All that stuff that slips through the cracks, otherwise.

Now, I just have to go wake-up Joe (who chaperoned a sleep-over with the kids and their two friends last night), so we can go get a pizza.

--End--

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Honestly forgot all about this file for awhile. Need to put a shortcut on my desktop so I remember to write. So much has changed since last I wrote, it’s not even worth trying to play catch up.

Where are things now? Well, we’re still here in South Jersey, really starting to make friends and feel at home. We’re still working on debt, but I feel like we’re starting to make real headway and get serious about it. I was working part-time, but that didn’t work out … mostly my fault, really, but there’s more they could have done to help me know what to do and when to do it, etc. Emily is 4, now, and definitely knows everything. She’s starting to learn how to read and is on Pediasure and an appetite enhancer because she only gained 3 lbs. since her last birthday. Matthew outweighs her now, but is still a bit shorter. He’s talking quite a bit, making sentences and connections pretty well. Two smart kids on our hands, oh dear!

Can’t wait for the weather to really get nice and stay nice. It was in the 80s earlier this week, and it was SO nice to open up the house and let the breezes in. With my recent efforts, I’m even fairly happy with the way I look in shorts. Better than I have in years, that’s for sure. I want to get back out and on my bike for even more improvements!

The biggest upcoming event we have right now is our Second Honeymoon cruise in about a month. It’s so huge and we’re SO excited about it. I hope it lives up to half of our expectations. Joe’s mom will have the kids and even be taking them to Erin’s wedding. I’m bummed about missing Emily’s second run as a flower girl, but wouldn’t give up this vacation with Joe for hardly anything.

My June 2001 Playgroup Message Board has undergone a bunch of changes recently and is still undergoing quite a bit of emotional upheaval. We’re currently running our own self-governed Board and are electing Board leaders. I’m in the running, but I don’t know if I really have a shot. Heck, I don’t know how much I even really want it.

Have I mentioned how worried, ticked, frustrated I am that Joe hasn’t gone to the doctor about his cholesterol, feet and general well-being? I don’t know what I’m going to do about that. I’m very concerned and he knows it, but I can’t make him do it.

Speaking of doctors, I recently underwent a medical “scare.” Had to have a couple of lumps removed from my left breast. They’re simple cysts, and nothing to worry about, but at the time…who knew? The general anesthesia was the scariest part. I’m pretty much recovered now and even the scar is becoming less noticeable.

Well, guess that’s it for now. Joe is upstairs working. He said he’ll have to work a lot this weekend. But, I think it’s time to interrupt and spend a little time together. Maybe a movie. –END—

Baby Steps

Well, today is the first day of our Intensive Potty Training. Joe and I have decided that enough is enough. Emily is old enough to be out of diapers. She understand the entire process and just has to make up her mind to do it.

So, today I bought plastic pants and a couple more pairs of cotton training pants for her. And, Emily picked out the big girl pants she wants. So, ever since we got back from Wal-Mart, she’s been in doubled-up cotton training pants with a (way too large for her) plastic cover over them. And no pants. Trying to keep it easy for her. So, I turned up the heat in the house today and I think it’s going to dry my skin all up until it just flakes off and blows away. Yuck. But, it’s for her. I can’t have those skinny little legs freezing, now can I?

Today is another one of Joe’s loooong days. He went in early this morning to judge a high school science and math fair. He’s excited about being asked to do it, but when he doesn’t get done teaching until 9pm, it’s a loooong day. And, he went out to the movies last night, so I haven’t seen that much of him lately.

Matthew is doing a lot more lately, too. He pulls up on everything now, and has even tried climbing up some steps (not good!). He waved at people starting yesterday. Very cute!

I started doing some research for preschools for Emily. And, frankly, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I get no support at all in this regard from my mother. She thinks I’m a kook. She keeps saying that it’s too much time in school. Well, that’s how it’s done now. So, what am I supposed to do? I want Emily to have extensive time with other kids, and I want some time one on one with Matthew. And, since I will most likely be returning to work in the near-ish future to help us get out of debt, it would be nice to have Emily in a free (thanks to the New Jersey Department of Education Abbot Program) preschool, so I only have to pay for Matthew’s childcare.

Both kids are napping at the moment. I’ve been pushing through Emily’s naps lately, to help her go to bed better at bedtime. But, I need the break today. Plus with the potty training stresses that we’re both going to be going through in the next few weeks….she probably needs the break, too.

But, she’s been up there for awhile now. I don’t want her to sleep too long.

I’m lonely today. Talked to my mom, but she just wants me to fly up for Lisa’s shower. Like I have nothing better to do than drag my kids 500 miles to help her host a party. I mean, it’ll be fun and all, but I’ll be exhausted. Joe is stressed out and overworked, I have to try to keep my head screwed on right. And, she thinks I’m way off base on this whole preschool concept. It was a very terse conversation just now.

I love visiting my folks, but no one seems to understand the amount of work it is to have two little, little ones away from home for any period of time. Joe thinks it’s a big vacation when I go up there. I would love to have him watch the kids by himself somewhere away from home for even one night, let alone a week. He’d go nuts. Joe complains that I foist the kids off onto him all the time when he’s home, and it’s probably true. But, he doesn’t seem to realize what a major difference it would mean to me if he volunteered to give me a break. If he let me go, rather than me having to pull away, it’d be so much more of a break. Instead, I creep away and feel guilty and don’t even relax.

I put my first item up on eBay. I’m trying to earn some money to help pay bills and to save up for the Shore. But, nobody has bid on my item yet. Wonder if anyone even will. I’d feel like a dud if no one even bids on my first eBay item. I mean, my mom made $36 on her cookbooks. Well, I have a bunch more stuff to sell, and some of it will be really popular. I know my breastpump will go for $150+, for example.

Joe hasn’t shown any interest in me in awhile. Is it just stress?

I need to go up and get some clothes down out of the attic. Well, actually I guess I can wait until it’s time to change over to summer clothes. Should only be another month or so. I feel like my current clothes are getting loose, but when I tried on clothes on Sunday for church, they were all too tight. So, I don’t know what size I am. I haven’t been keeping strict track of points in a million years, but I’ve really been trying to be “good” as far as portion sizes, etc. go. And, I’ve been trying to boost my activity level. Every little bit, right? Well, then why does it feel like it’s really helping only a little?

Well….better get some stuff done before the kiddos get up. ---END---

Page One

Emily is so clever, it just takes my breath away when she makes creative connections. She has a bunch of Fisher Price “Little People” and one of them is a buff-yellow colors dog. It’s a really abstract dog, kind of round everywhere. She calls it “Winnie the Dog.” She makes up her own songs now on a regular basis, and loves making up names for everything.

Looking at ornaments on the Christmas tree: “Emily, what’s the snowman’s name?” “Ukka.” Joe and I cracked up. “Guess he’s Icelandic,” I quipped. She then named the other snowmen Snowey, Blowey and Flowey.

Emily’s best buddy is Bun-Bun. He’s this cuddly stuffed bunny head on a blankie. He’s not really a blanket and he’s not really a stuff toy, he’s both. He goes nearly everywhere with her. Before we leave the house, we always have to ask her, “Is Bun-Bun coming, or does Bun-Bun stay?” Often she’ll say he stays so he doesn’t get lost. Sometimes when we ask her to get ready to go out she says, “No, I don’t want to miss my house.”

In a few days we’re going to mom and dad’s for a week. We made a calendar for the fridge with boxes to mark off the days remaining until the trip. Emily’s primitive notion of time passage is evident when she wakes up from her nap and asks to cross off another day. I have to tell her it’s not airplane day because the airplane isn’t ready yet. This is the only reason for not leaving immediately that seems to get through to her.

Speaking of naps, today is Emily’s first nap in a few days. I put her in her room, read her a story, tuck her under the covers and leave, shutting the door behind me. Invariably, I hear her playing with her toys a little while later. Generally, she finds her way back under the covers and falls asleep. Yesterday and for a couple of days prior, she hadn’t been going back to bed. By the time Joe got home from class yesterday, around 5:30pm, Emily was so cranky and miserable, she was making everyone unhappy. We finally got her to settle in and eat some macaroni and cheese (one of her favorite foods), and her mood quickly improved.

Emily’s doesn’t eat a wide variety of foods….vegetables are right out. Macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, nearly any kind of juice, skim milk, water, plain noodles or pasta, rice, cereal, and sometimes bananas or apples. Basically….starch, some protein.

Matthew is such a happy little guy. I just can’t get over how smiley and friendly he is. Everyone at church is just completely taken with him. We always have plenty of volunteers to hold him while Joe and I go up to sing with the choir. He has two teeth now, and seems a lot happier now that they’re through, but he’s still pretty sniffly.

We all got over some kind of cold/flu thing that laid us low each in turn. The kids just seems to be sniffly and stuffy all the time this winter. I don’t know if they have allergies, or what. It’s driving me crazy and I know it has to be bugging the heck out of them, as well. Maybe they’ll clear up while we’re at mom and dad’s and then I can narrow it down to something in our house. Poor Emily keeps wiping her nose with her hand and the moisture is leaving a big chapped spot on her cheek. And, her thumb-sucking has left her lips and thumb all cracked from the constant wetness. I salve her with Vaseline whenever I can, but she’s pretty indignant about being smeared with goop.

Matthew is slowly becoming more mobile. It seems like weeks and weeks that he’s been able to get on his hands and knees and rock, but he’s still not crawling. Through a bizarre combination of creeping, rolling and throwing himself around, he manages to get around the floor fairly well, albeit rather slowly. It’s frustrating him, and he’s very vocal about his aggravation with the whole thing.

Joe is back at work now. It was so wonderful to have him home and around so much across the holidays. Not only did we get to spend a goodly amount of time together, but he took care of the kids a lot and gave me some nice breaks. He’s really such a great guy. He works a jillion hours teaching the maximum number of credits allowed. And then when he’s home, he does most of the baby food feedings, and tucks Emily in every night. He does a lot of the dishes and takes care of other housey stuff like taking out the trash and repairs. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

I look at what Theresa is going through with the divorce and all, and I just thank God that I wound up with such a wonderful, caring, generous man. He’d do anything in his power to make me happy, and would give the kids everything they could ever need. I’ve felt bad about him fending for himself, food-wise while I’m gone, and have made a point of fixing all his favorites during the last week or so. I made an awesome (if I do say so myself!) lasagna on Sunday, and last night we had chicken-fried steak with stuffing and green bean casserole. A week or so ago, I made barbecued country-style ribs.

I just got a cool new scrapbooking book. I really enjoy scrapbooking and mean to spend regularly-scheduled allotments of time working on my scrapbook. Joe has a couple of night classes this next semester, so it should work out ideally. I want to plow through all the wedding pictures I have so I can move on to the kids’ scrapbooks. Then I can backtrack for a change of pace and do my Scotland pictures and our own wedding pictures. Those will be immense projects. I feel like buying new scrapbooking gadgets and embellishments all the time…I don’t have any punches yet, and that die-cutting machine ($99…ouch!) would be SO cool. I plan to use more stickers in the future, as well.

Joe is applying for a job up in Williamsport at the Pennsylvania College of Technology. I am trying not to put too much pressure on him about it, or to get my hopes up too much, but it seems like it would be such a positive move. I’d really love to live closer to my folks. And, I know Joe feels somewhat inadequate about never having earned his PhD. Penn College would pay 75% of his graduate tuition at Penn State, which would be so awesome. And….it’s in the mountains. That means gorgeous scenery, interesting drives, and SNOW. And….fewer bugs and decidedly less sand than New Jersey.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a growing number of reasons why leaving here would be heart-wrenching. This is Joe’s first “real” job, and he’s quickly gaining the respect of his colleagues. He is happy here at Cumberland County College, I know that. (but for how long? He’ll quickly become a big fish in a very small pond) And, our neighbors, Seth and Margie, are quickly becoming our close friends. Seth and Joe really are developing a bond, and Emily and their girls, Samantha (Sammy) and Evie, play together really well. We’ve also finally found a church home. First United Methodist of Millville is a great congregation. We’re active in the choir and really getting to know people. We’re also becoming friends with Pastor Steve, Chris and their kids, Josh, Amanda, and Emily’s friend Victoria.

And, boy oh boy, I am not looking forward to packing and moving…and what if Joe’s fears prove valid? What if we really can’t afford another house right now? I fully intend to apply for a job, if he gets this one. I don’t know how long I’ll keep it, but I’ll work long enough to satisfy the mortgage company. It stinks that they can’t count his overtime credits, but it makes sense.

I’m peeved that our Internet connection is all fouled up at the moment. We have a cable modem and it’s super-duper fast…but something’s wrong today. It’s running slower than a 56K modem. I could barely retrieve my email. It wouldn’t be a big deal, but I’m an online Community Leader. I help lead the June 01 Playgroup on ParentsPlace.com. I love these women, especially the ones I’ve had the privilege to meet in real-life. And, it really does take a little bit of shine out of my day to be unable to communicate with them on the board.

New Year’s Resolutions….

spend less to help facilitate paying off debt (#1 Citibank M/C--$2000, #2 Discover--$6500, #3 Heidi’s Student Loan--$6500, #4 Joe’s PLATO Loan--$5000, #5 Consolidation Loan--$9000 TOTAL: $29,000)

get comfortably into size 12 jeans

get connected with local theatre

sigh Steady on course. Steady on course. Dear God, give me strength of will to do what must be done. Give Joe the patience to forgive my lapses. Amen.

Well, I think I hear Matthew waking up. –END—