Tech Week

Tech Week for Grease is underway.

See you when I crawl out from beneath it.

--End--

I LOVE Snow!

I grew up in the Snow Belt. Now I live in South Jersey.

We don't get socked in here for 5-6 months or solid snowy greyness. So, when we do get a significant snowfall (as is forecast for later today), it's a treat.

It makes me want to sing.

Enjoy the whiteness, Greater Northeastern US. And stay safe!

--End-

Nervous

For the record, if you're anticipating surgery or you suspect you have any kind of illness ... there are a wealth of resources available on the Internet.

WebMD, in particular, has TONS of great information.

However ... never read the risks/complications section. Never. Ever.

Ever.

For those who don't know, here's a quickie update. I'm due to have sinus surgery on February 10. This will mark only third third time I've had to undergo general anesthesia in my life*, so I'm apprehensive. I'm assured by my doctor, other folks who've undergone the procedure, and (yes) the Internet that my life will be transformed for the better after the operation.

Never ever read the risks/complications section, remember?

Only I did just that. Seems this "procedure" puts me at risk for losing my sense of smell/taste, blindness, brain damage, death -- just to name a few.

I'm scared. I don't like the way that feels.

My OCD/control freaky tendencies are also nervous about being out of commission during my three-week recovery period.

I guess this is my "talk me off the ledge" request for hugs and support.

*Tonsillectomy in '79 and breast lumpectomy in '03.

--End--

Now That I'm 40 (plus)

This isn't my birthday. That's in April. Nor will it be a particularly landmarky birthday (43).

But this blog post (hat-tip to Adrienne) seems timely to me right now. I don't know why, but I seem to be in a pendulum-swing mental state lately -- oscillating between "It sucks to be getting old" and "This is a great hunk of life to be living." Plus ... there's the whole new-year-relecting stuff that happens.

So ...  in order to focus more on the positive ... here is a bunch of

Great Stuff About Being 40 (plus) That I Didn't Know or Couldn't Do at 20

1. I know how to dress for my body.
2. And have a hairstyle that suits both my features and my lifestyle.
3. I can cook. Really quite well. Even when there's "nothing in this house."
4. I have grown up.
5. My amazing kids
6. Running 3 miles, walking 60 miles, driving 1800 miles: knowing I can even if I think I can't (or don't want to)
7. Discovering acting, stage management, theatre
8. My wonderful dog
9. Understanding that my worth is not determined by others, especially men, especially based on my looks.
10. Knitting
11. Being married -- learning how to be a wife, lover, partner, confidante, buddy
12. Renewing my relationship with my brother
13. Teaching, finishing my Master's -- working toward a calling, rather than a job
14. Female friendships
15. Travel
16. Finally learning how to look good in a photo
17. The ability to plan, host and pay for a great party
18. Contact lenses
19.  Letting go of deep-seated insecurity and fear
20. Trusting my own opinion
21. My kids ... cannot say this enough times
22. Discovering makeup and dangly earrings
23. Doing my own taxes
24. Knowing how to complain effectively, especially to authority
25. How to drink safely
26. Patience
27. Social confidence in any situation
28. Learning when it's worth it to cry and when it's not
29. Being ok with not being liked by everyone
30. Knowing how to wear heels
31. Having enough resiliency to know that heartbreak never leaves us, but that life goes on and gets better anyway.
32. Understanding the difference between healthy and thin
33. The white streak in my hair
34. An awareness of the quality of the media I'm consuming
35. Knowing keyboard shortcuts
36. Sex is neither the be-all nor the end-all, nor is it embarrassing
37. No one really cares what your GPA or class rank was
38. Pretending to be someone else is a hobby, not a cover-up
39. In the real world, it's good to be a nerd.
40. Putting up as many holiday decorations as you want because you own the property
41. There are many kinds of normal
42. I am strong
43. But it's also OK to be weak and to let others help

--End--

So, I'm an ENFJ

Not only am I an ENFJ, but I'm apparently a somewhat extreme case.

Out of the 16 possible Jungian Myers-Briggs personality types, I'm an Extroverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judger

I prefer Extroversion to the tune of 89 out of 100. I'm a 12% on the iNtuition (over Sensing) scale. Feeling (over Thinking) is rather pronounced at 75%, and Judging (over Perceiving) is 56%.

The scales work like this:
100% --------0%--------100%
I------------------------------E

So, the bigger the number, the more strongly you exemplify the characteristics of your letter typology.

But, what does that mean?

ENFJs are characterized by strong external focus -- thinking about, reacting to, and trying to fulfill the needs of others. Approximately 3-4% of the work fits into this type. More than any other type, ENFJs have strong people skills, making things happen for others and being encouraging. Apparently this often leads to us neglecting our own needs and spending important and necessary time alone to recharge and center and reflect. We tend to sacrifice ourselves for others. We may have strongly-held beliefs, but often refrain from expressing them so as not to interfere in others' development (Joe would probably disagree with this particular point).

We like to be with people and are fun to be with. We like things well-organized, but can tend toward fussiness (who? me?) We become unhappy when forced to deal with logic or facts, and we enjoy planning more than achieving (Joe has never understood my tendency to plan trips, home remodeling projects, etc that I've no intention (or financial wherewithal) to actually tackle.). We avoid conflict and often sweep things under the rug to avoid it. We blame ourselves when things go wrong and take too little credit when things go right.

We tend to be attentive lovers, but need affirmation and someone who is attentive to our emotional and physical needs (since we're so externally focused and neglect ourselves).

Obviously these are generalizations, but again and again (I've taken this assessment numerous times in my life, and while the results vary slightly in retaking) I find that they are an eerily accurate representation of how I approach the world. Your mileage may vary. Do you think the above sounds like me?

Joe took the test, too (he's an INTJ/P (his J score was a 1, and his strongest tendency was only a 25, so he's a far less extreme fellow). I'm eager to have my kids go through it and see what happens. knowing their types may give me better insight into how to parent them effectively without butting heads so often (ah, the t(w)een years!). ENFJs also tend to be smothering and manipulative, so I'll have to watch that. And, apparently it can be difficult to be the child of an ENFJ because of our "hands-on" approach to relationships.

If you want to learn more about your personality type and maybe gain some insight into how you relate to others, take the test here. It's very quick. Answer instinctively without deep analysis of the statements. You can then go here to find out more about the characteristics of your type.

I find this stuff fascinating. (maybe it's a reflection of my tendency to better understand others?) I hope it didn't bore you too terribly.

--End--

Hey, 2014....

My friend, Adrienne, has encouraged me to return to blogging. Since hers is an opinion I value, I'm going to do my bet to follow through.

This time of year is always one of reflection and resolutions and so forth (Although, as life-long academics, Joe and I read a calendar differently. New Years begin in September.). Anyway, when in Rome, reflect and resolve at the end of December and beginning of January.

2013 wasn't the easiest year I've ever lived. But it was a far sight better than 2012 (that would be a pretty low bar). Some highlights include earning my Master's degree, developing more patience and inner strength than I thought I was capable of, performing in one of my lifetime Top Five favorite musicals, running a baker's handful of 5K races, and returning to college teaching (albeit part-time).

So, what's the plan for 2014?

Well, there's a three-week camping road trip Out West planned for August. I've applied to direct a big musical (my first) in July. I want to reimplement some healthier food/activity habits (mostly because I have a lot of great clothes that are languishing until I fit into them again). Now that my Masters in done, Joe may reattack his dissertation.

While not endless, the possibilities are vast.  And while that open-ended-ness can be viewed with optimism and delight, the planner/control freak in me is easily overwhelmed by too much uncertainty. I think this is why I rarely make New Year's resolutions. I know how easily life changes and whisks things out of my control.

Maybe I should listen to Adrienne in this as well, and simply choose a word of import and guidance for the upcoming year. I'll have to give that some thought.

For now, I resolve to try to hang on to the things I'm doing right, to be mindful of blessings, and to suck less.

--End--

My Public Apology to My Fellow Gators

Dear Allegheny alums, particularly Classes of '92-95 (or so),

It's time I came clean. It's MY fault. It's my fault many of you didn't graduate on time (or at all).

I'm the one who introduced Civilization to the night-study lab under the library.

I'll wait while you collect yourself.

OK ... so here's what happened.

Over Christmas break, my brother and I returned from college and hung out. We weren't especially close at the time, but we could bond over nerd-stuff. He introduced me to a new game he'd discovered at RPI, Sid Meier's Civilization. It existed on a floppy disk or two, and after we installed it at home, it quickly consumed our entire lives. so much so, that when I returned to Allegheny in January, I brought copies of those sacred floppies (I don't think copy protection was even a concern).

I quietly installed the game late one night on one of the few DOS-based PCs on campus (remember? ... we were part of the NeXT revolution). I played it. My boyfriend played it. I may have showed it to a friend or two. But, I kept it very much on the down-low. We were not supposed to install our own software on school computers. And we were very much not supposed to be using valuable computing resources for gaming.

But within a week or two, I was stunned to find total strangers furtively playing Civ on every computer in the lab. It had spread with efficiency modern computer viruses can only hope to achieve.

Nobody talked about how it happened. Nobody ratted out anyone else. We were members of an elite society. An elite society who began to neglect all else, forgoing studying, sleep, even food for just "a few more turns" of Civ. It's not that the game was especially hard or unwinnable. It's more that victory was always a few hours further away than we thought it would be. The game is unfathomably addictive.*

"I'll just play until I get steam-power," we'd tell ourselves when our civilization's current pinnacle of technological achievement was a pointy stick. Or, "I'll just play until I take out the Zulus," we'd innocently mutter, never realizing the true tenacity of South African tribesmen.

"A few more turns" more often than not turned into hours of playing time. The night-study lab stayed open all night long, so we weren't deterred when the rest of the campus shut down for the night.

Eventually -- and here's where I have to apologize -- some people began to fail classes, or not "comp."** Some of my friends literally did not graduate from college because of this game. People I love. One of them was even in my wedding.

I's all my fault.

Sure, I could blame fate -- maybe the game would inevitably have found its way onto campus systems. Maybe my friends would have discovered it on their own. But, realistically? Before social media, a "real" Internet, cell phones ... stuff didn't go viral. Media didn't proliferate, explode, and die down within weeks, days, hours. It took actual word-of-mouth. Someone had to actually mention the game to you. Sell its features. And reveal its night-study-lab existence. I was that person. I loved the game. I brought it to Allegheny. I told my closest friends.

And the rest is history.*** The incalculable Butterfly Effect of those dang Zulus.

I'm so sorry, friends. If only I had been patient enough to wait for spring break for my Civ fix at home. Maybe the world would be a vastly better place.

Apologetically,
--Heidi

--End--

*And still is. Last night (this morning) I stayed up Far Too Late playing multiplayer LAN Civ IV with my husband (the aforementioned boyfriend) and our daughter.

**Allegheny College seniors must complete an extensive Senior Comprehensive Project or "comp," as part of their graduation requirements.

*** A fictionalized, but accurate, version of events can be found here.

Sometimes Parenting is Awesome

...and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's pretty dang crummy.

The first half of this evening was pretty awesome. Explaining Sorkin's quick banter on The West Wing -- pretty awesome.

Then the teacher called. And explained that one of my children did a Very Bad Thing today (no one got hurt and no laws were broken). And then my other child informed me of an overdue assignment's deadline extension ending tomorrow.

And that pretty much left awesome at the station as I boarded the train for Crummy Town.

--End--

Electronic Overlords

I am alone in the house right now ... which means I'm especially vulnerable to attack from our numerous electronic devices.

I'm currently typing this on my desktop PC, multitasking Firefox with a relatively (for me) paltry four tabs open, while syncing my phone on iTunes.

My phone is plugged in and charging, syncing, while I also text my husband, trying to determine the whereabouts of our DVI-VGA adapter -- the only thing preventing me from having our second desktop PC reestablished on the desk behind me.

I've just finished installing a system update on my Android-based Nexus 7 tablet, and am now searching the root directories for a stored wifi password.

Finally, my laptop is up and running nearby because I need to email some files I've only stored on there.

It's ridiculous. And awesome. But, if they manage to conspire against me, I'm just surrendering peacefully. The Cylon invasion/Skynet takeover can just take root right here and I'm making no attempt to stop it.

--End--

Free Time

This weekend, I have no plans. There is absolutely nothing on the calendar that obligates me to be anywhere anywhen.

This is a rare and blessed thing.

The trick, of course, is to balance relaxation and doing nothing much with some sort of activity that, come Monday, I can look back upon and smile, knowing I had a good weekend. Without, of course, scheduling so many FUN things that the relaxation aspect is lost.

Any ideas?

--End--

Back! Baby Steps...

Let's try to develop a new blogging habit. Let's just take it one day at a time.

I'm currently lying in my darkened bedroom, listening to Morning Edition on WHYY out of Philadelphia. On the other side of the wall, my Matthew is taking a much-too-long shower. The sound of the running water is simultaneously soothing in a white-noise sort of way, and distressing in a wasted-resources sort of way. Whatever our kids inherited from me, they've gotten their showering habits from Joe. Long, hot, steamy, long...

This is a brief shred of time I take every morning to Internet. On my phone, I check email, overnight Facebook updates, Pinterest, Instagram, headlines. Just me and the world in the dark before I get up and face the rest of the day. Soon, I'll rise, dress, throw a frozen lunch and blue chill-pack into my lunch bag, mix and drink a SlimFast shake, herd the kids through breakfast and school prep, and get out the door around 7:30.

Fortunately, the kids are old enough/independent enough to allow me this brief cocoon phase to start my day. I can hear them downstairs now, working on their own breakfasts.

Well, NPR informs me me time is up (Marketplace is wrapping up). Until next time.

--End--

So ... Pinterest ...

I've always been a crafty-ish/handy-ish person. I like to knit, always sew/manufacture my kids' Halloween costumes, have painted, wallpapered, spackled my entire house more than twice over. I even refinished all of my hideous 1970s kitchen cabinets.

Best costume I ever made. Blinking lights!

But nothing prepared me for the glut of crafty goodness and inspiration and wonder that is Pinterest.

I've found so many ideas for foods to make, gifts to create and give, and household improvements to implement. And most of them have turned out wonderfully! (not like these) I have a few more things in the works ... but here's a nice run-through of my recent accomplishments around the house.

SOOO much better than before.

This gives you some idea of the kitchen "before."

First of all ... the aforementioned kitchen. In October 2011 we had a minor kitchen fire (everyone's OK!) which resulted in an insurance claim and replacement of the countertops, wallsplash, range and flooring. We took this opportunity to also install pendant lighting over the island (LOVE!) and to replace the grimy and paint-peely range hood with one that vented outside the house. Since I knew paint drips on either the countertop or the floor wouldn't matter, I also took up the challenge of refinishing the cabinets. I used Rustoleum's Cabinet Transformations product in their "Frost" color. The DVD and printed instructions were easy to follow and I think the project turned out great! This was my first time attempting any sort of faux finishing or even painting wood, for that matter. I lucked out on some brushed nickel hardware in the clearance section at Lowe's and a coordinating light fixture in the sale section. I love the finished room! (Please ignore the counter and fridge clutter ...)

Next is a serious of smaller projects. Some took a weekend, some a few hours, some several days ... I'm proud of the way they turned out, or I wouldn't be sharing them here, obviously.  I don't have before-and-after pictures of step-by-step pictures, but if you ask for more info or tips, I'll gladly fill you in.

OK, so I didn't make this. I bought it on Etsy ... but still a great Pinterest idea.

Antique printer's tray purchased on eBay ...

Converted to jewelry storage/display

Using wasted space for measuring spoons and cups.

More are on the door of the neighboring cabinet.

Tie-dye Mickey Mouse shirt!

Remove pictures from frames and spray-paint them all black

Frame out an old builder's cheapie mirror without having to take it down from the wall

Next project due to be finished ... Mod-Podging a world map to multiple Michael's-bought canvases and hanging as a grouping. Pics soon!

--End--

My Public Apology to Everyone

Dear everybody who reads this blog,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I haven't been holding up my end of the blog relationship, by you know -- actually blogging.

Life has been complicated for the last year or so. Truly, even longer than that.

I'm not one of those people who complains a lot about being busy. In fact, those people generally irritate me -- not busy people, but rather people who parade around their busy-ness like it's some sort of prize. "Oh, I couldn't possibly ... I'm just SOOO busy."

And I certainly know that most of my problems could be categorized into the first-world variety. No one has a terminal illness. Bills are generally being paid.

But I guess I've been rather overwhelmed of late. And, I have the physical proof that I was maxed out -- on top of everything that was evidently stressing me out, I landed an excruciatingly painful case of the shingles. The doctor's advice, "Try to reduce your load and your stress. It's a major contributor." Um, yeah, ok. I'll get right on that.

I won't go into a litany of the various activities and stressors in my life right now. Those of you who know, know. And those of you who don't know, well, just imagine a bunch of irons in the fire with a side of mild depression and you've got it about right.

In any case, blogging has slipped significantly on the priority list. And, I'm honestly sorry for that. I love reading other people's blogs and get mildly irritated/disappointed with erratic updates. But here I am posting once maybe every three weeks, if that. I am my own blogging nightmare.

I'm sorry.

I really enjoy writing. And I enjoy comments. And especially the give and take of ideas. I understand that all of that starts with me. So I'll try to be better about writing. And, hopefully, if my mood and generally outlook allows, I'll get back to the insight and humor that create the sorts of posts I'd want to read if I were you.

Apologetically,
Heidi

--End--

Happy Birthday, My Son

So .... now you're 11.

You're an amazing boy and growing into an equally amazing young man. We can see the bones changing under your skin, your face growing angles that weren't there a year ago. Before long we'll really be able to see the handsome man inside you.

But more than that, you're smart. Your brain makes connections I don't see coming.

You're musically talented. Piano, baritone horn ... and your voice ... it makes people tear up with its sweet purity.

You're empathic. You truly feel for others and wish them well. I cannot count the times you've turned to one of us with a comforting gesture just when we needed it most.

You're funny. Oh my ... you've brought us to tears laughing at your antics, your clever turns of phrase.Ever since you were only a couple of years old ("I'm sorry, but Nini forgot his legs."), you've had us at the mercy of your wit. And your nutball antics? Fugghedaboudit.

You're a ham. Anytime, anywhere you can take center stage with perfect ease and comfort. You may not see it yet, but this is a gift.

You're you.

You're so special to us and we welcome seeing you grow and mature even while we want to cram you back into yourself and fit you on our laps again.

Happiest of birthdays, Matthew!

--End--

Past Matthews ......


Baby Matthew


One Year Old


Two Years Old


Three Years Old


Four Years Old


Five Years Old


Six Years Old


Seven Years Old


Eight Years Old


Nine Years Old


Ten Years Old

Tuesday Morning Gripe

My neighbor's dog barks at me every morning when I walk out my door. Not a friendly "Hey there" bark, but more of a "You! Human! Get off my turf!" bark. Every morning when I leave. Every afternoon when I return. Every time any of us steps a foot out of the back door (which is our main door).

Dog -- it's my house. It's my yard. Shut up already.

That is all.

--End--

Liberal Arts

This morning on NPR I heard a story on the viability (or not) of liberal arts colleges in the current economy.


If you're reading this you probably already know that I attended Allegheny College, of the liberal arts variety, way back in the early 90s. Odds are pretty good that if you're reading this you met me there. You know ... back when nobody really worried about getting a job after graduation. Back when Freddie Mercury was still alive. Back before (way before) September 11th. Back when we each rode a magical unicorn to classes.

Anyway, the NPR story posits that in today's "uncertain economy" that many parents and students are avoiding liberal arts colleges for two reasons: they're unbelievably expensive and with a "degree in philosophy" graduating seniors are unemployable.

Hmm.

I don't know about your own college selection process. But, here's mine.* After colleges received my PSAT scores through whatever mega-database sells out college juniors, I began to receive brochures in the mail. I don't know if colleges even do this anymore. They probably send DVDs or flash drives. Anyway, these were elaborately produced, glossy, full-color packets. Lots of them. I had two stacks in my closet, each roughly four-feet high.

I distinctly remember one Saturday spending half the day purging the piles and narrowing down my college options to the top 15 or so most viable options. Some of my criteria were based on the type of education I wanted, so I eliminated technical or engineering-type schools. Some were based on environment, so I eliminated all colleges with student populations over 2500 or so. I threw out** every college west of the Mississippi or south of the Mason-Dixon line. Due to my strictly Protestant upbringing, I pitched just about everything with "St. Somebody" in the title.

At this point, I showed the options to my mom and we planned a summer vacation around touring colleges: Middlebury, Gettysburg, Albright, Lafayette, Vassar, Allegheny. After visiting the schools, without knowing the value of an interview or how to really understand what I wanted, other than by how my parents, particularly my mom, reacted to each college's atmosphere and tour ... I applied to Middlebury (wait-listed, not accepted), Gettysburg (accepted), Allegheny (accepted) and St. Olaf's near Minneapolis*** (never heard back from them at all).

So, I wound up at Allegheny. And it was the best. I loved the place. I loved taking classes in a variety of disciplines. I loved being around people who were like me and people who were nothing like me. I loved the small class sizes and close relationships with professors.

And when I graduated, I was not entirely unemployable. At least not in the long run. I admit, majoring in Communications and hoping to get a job in media, I really (really, really) should have done an internship somewhere. And, since Joe's career plans were very firm and mine were sort of a Monet painting .. I followed him to Philly and temp-ed. Which (along with the lovely NeXT computers at Allegheny) gave me invaluable computer experience.

Which is why I now teach computers.

So it all worked out in the end. I graduated with only $11,000 in debt. Which is very little considering the price of my alma mater.

Would I do it again? Yes. Would I recommend a liberal arts education to my kids? Yes.

I think the idea of narrowing down your career path at age 17 is problematic. I think the idea of narrowing down your career options and general scope of knowledge based on the limitations of the focus of your choice of higher institution is less than ideal. I like breadth of experience. I like breadth of knowledge.

I just hope I can afford to provide the same thing for my kids. Ay, there's the rub.

--End--

* Let me start by saying that one of my chief skills is an uncanny ability to ace standardized tests. I took the the SATs in 7th grade and again at the traditional time, and took the PSATs in high school with my peers and was a National Merit Scholarship Finalist.I received a full scholarship, including room and board, to Bowling Green University. That sort of thing.

**It breaks my heart that this was before readily available recycling.

***What can I say? I love snow.

Standardized Testing, Day Three

The students are tired and irritable.

The teachers are tired and irritable.

The entire school environment is tired and irritable ... even the ones who haven't begun testing yet.

We've had to take down or cover up all hallways displays, greatly increasing gloom.

We've had to adjust lunch schedules, grouping students together in new ways causing extra cafeteria chaos and noise while simultaneously rescheduling teachers form lunch duty to testing hall monitor duty, increasing cafeteria stress and chaos.*

It's just unpleasant.

That said, during these stressful times a smile can go even further than usual. I appreciate everyone's hard work and try to remember to say so. Yesterday I brought in cupcakes -- red velvet, even!

I know it's not any easier on the students or anyone else. One more day of testing this week. Then a brief break before we start again on Monday.

--End--

* I could share an incident here, but won't.

Standardized Testing, Day Two

The NJASK test is subject to security that I think would rival any document handling procedures at any top-secret government agency.

All teachers in each building in which testing will occur, regardless of whether or not they will actually in any likelihood handle any testing materials must be trained and sign acknowledgement of a district-wide Security Plan.

You'll find instructions such as: (Note: grammar, phrasing, spelling, and capitalization are not mine.)

 "Authorization to Receive Secure Materials form is located in the file cabinet next to the secretary's desk. Only those listed on that form will be permitted to receive test materials. The form must be presented to the courier at the time of receipt."

"In the event a student becomes ill during testing, the examiner will complete an Irregularity Report noting the situation and which section the child became ill in. This report will be turned into the STC* when testing materials are returned that day."

You don't even want to know about the sections regarding Fire Drills & Bomb Scares or about the state-mandated regulation baggies and seals used for testing materials which become "soiled" by an ill student. Let me just say that all testing materials must be returned to the state.

Testing materials (test booklets, answer sheets, instruction booklets, approved manipulatives, etc) all arrive at the building and must be signed for by someone on the Authorization to Receive Secure Materials form. Everything is sealed with sticker tabs on each section and then sealed inside plastic bags and then sealed inside the secure shipping boxes. The STC stores the materials in his or her office until testing begins. On the first day of testing, official test examiners only may go to the STC and sign out the testing materials. Both the STC and examiner must sign a sheet indicating how many of which item were taken for that day's testing.

At no time may the examiner leave the materials unattended. When the class takes their bathroom break, the examiner must collect every item personally. Students may not pass them to the front of the class. If there is any sort of emergency, the examiner must first personally gather all the testing materials before exiting the room. At the end of the day's testing, the examiner flags down a waiting hall monitor who comes and watches the students in the classroom while the examiner returns all the testing materials to the STC. The materials are counted and both again sign that the materials were returned. I cannot imagine what happens if anything is found missing.

At no time are any students, teachers, staff, etc permitted to discuss the contents of the test. Even when the testing is over for the day. This is pounded into the students' heads at least as much as the actual subject matter upon which they are tested.**

Our school is under particular scrutiny as one of the other K-8 schools in the district remains under investigation for allegations of cheating on last year's test -- these allegations come up periodically throughout the state, but are usually dropped within a few weeks ... not this time.

So, that's just a brief look into the byzantine Wonderland of standardized testing security.

--End--

*School Test Coordinator, there's also a DTC or District Test Coordinator

**At dinner last night, Emily -- who is testing this week as all New Jersey 7th graders must -- replied to my inquiry about how the day's testing went. "It was good. I had to write a persuasive essay." Her eyes expanded and her voice dropped before she intoned, "But. I. Can't. Tell. You. Anything. More." Um ... ok.

Standardized Testing, Day One

For the next three weeks the state of New Jersey will be forcing public school teachers and students to undergo the institutionalized nonsense torture process known as standardized testing. The New Jersey Assessment of Skills and Knowledge or NJASK is administered to all 3rd through 8th graders in the state, in order to determine which schools should receive even less funding are underperforming.

This week is 7th and 8th grade. My own Emily is going to spend hours this week filling in little circles with her number two pencil. She'll also have to write a few short essays and answer some short-response word problems in math. Her high scores will prove to the state that she's naturally very intelligent that her teacher is exceptionally skilled that her school is performing adequately well at preparing its students to take standardized tests.

The tests are the focus of the entire school year. Even impressively skilled and remarkably creative teachers are locked into the drudgery of teaching test-taking skills in the weeks and months leading up to The Test.

I can speak to the ineffectiveness of the writing prompts, in particular. I spent two years teaching Basic Skills composition at two area community colleges which draw from a dozen or so school districts in two counties. I have taught the students who have been deemed incapable of success in the standard college-level courses, at least where writing and grammar are concerned. I have also received hours of professional development at the elementary school level in how to prepare students for the language arts literacy portions of The Test.

And I can tell you this .... the two are not remotely the same thing. Writing a five-paragraph essay the right way involves several steps: pre-writing, rough draft, waiting at least 24 hours, revising (for content), editing (for grammar and punctuation), before preceding to a final copy. The essay should consist of an introductory paragraph which includes both a hook and a statement of not only the main idea but also the plan for its development, three body paragraphs each of which has its own main idea supported by details and examples, and finally a concluding paragraph. This process ideally takes two or three days.

Writing for the test involves getting as much down on your paper as you can during the forty minutes allotted for writing, being sure to include as many "compositional risks" as possible, namely figurative language (metaphors, onomatopoeia, alliteration, similes, personification), questioning, dialogue, a title, shifting times and events, sentence variety and personal voice (humor, quirkiness (!!!), surprise). Points are scored for use of these risks, whether or not they actually make sense within the meaning or purpose of the writing. Certainly, points are also awarded for grammatical correctness, supported main ideas, examples -- but even without these key points of good writing a student can score surprisingly well just by integrating plenty of risks. Students are told of the importance of continuing to write until they at least reach the last blank page provided for the writing in the test booklet.

So, except for the particularly intelligent students -- who do enough reading and/or writing on their own to understand how "real" writing flows and sounds and feels -- students develop habitual writing behaviors that have little to do with how real writing (particularly for academia) should work. I received plenty of college freshman compositions* comprised of nothing but questions, with no answers. I have also received papers consisting almost entirely of metaphorical language or language describing something without actually stating what the something is. I have received paragraphs consisting entirely of unpunctuated dialogue between individuals who are never named in the writing.

I know. And at least some of it is not their fault at all. Some of these students, as soon as they're taught a better way to write, can really write quite well. They've been taught the wrong process.

But, it's not the teachers' fault, either. When tenure decisions and contract renewal decisions and (in some states, but thankfully not New Jersey ... yet) salary/bonus decisions can be made based upon the standardized test scores of one's students -- you bet your sweet bippy you're going to spend at least some part of your school day "teaching to The Test." It's simple self-preservation.

Plenty of well-meaning school districts would love to put more money into music, art, languages, technology, field trips, etc, but none of those areas are tested on the NJASK, so none of those areas will get the attention, funding, professional development and staffing with the same emphasis as language arts literacy and math (and science in the 4th and 8th grades). Again, it's self-preservation.

I could go on and on. But, we have three more days of testing this week, followed by at least three days of testing next week and the week after. So, I'll have plenty more to say.

--End--

* My "diagnostic" paragraph is assigned during the first class, with no instruction by me, asking them to name the World's Greatest Job and explain why it is the greatest.

Frustrations for a Friday

My frustration exists on numerous levels -- the usual self-loathing, aggravation with family deadlines and plans to complete tasks not matching my own, academic bureaucracy rearing its uglier-than-usual head, everything about standardized testing, and natural irritation with bending intellectually to someone else's ideas.

In no particular order:

• I lose the use of my classroom/computer lab for the next three weeks so that it can be used for standardized testing.
  
•  The laptops I will be taking with me to student classrooms so that I can teach will likely not have all of the software the students need, nor Internet access.
  
•  According to administrator instructions, I covered all the signage in my room with newspaper, not bulletin board paper -- only to be informed a day later that we may NOT use newspaper to cover things.
  
•  After ripping down all of the newspaper, I received another email stating NOT to rip down the newspaper, but instead await clarification.
  
•  My house is in a state.
  
•  So is my yard.
  
•  I don't seem to have the energy to focus on the house, the yard, my final papers and weight loss/exercise all at the same time.
  
•  My professor seems to be insisting that rather than presenting a unique viewpoint on the material, that we basically reiterate his own ideas on the material back to him -- as applied to a new piece of literature -- rather than develop our own academic ideas and voice. This feedback was only given to me after I'd completed 14 pages of writing for a paper due in 5 days.
  
•  It hasn't rained in a month and the dust/pollen is extreme. My sinus headaches aren't helping me cope with any of the above.

 --End--